What would your ideal phone be - Brazzers has an idea

So let's start off by saying that this is entirely a parody, this is purely a joke by Brazzers (who have typically had a great sense of humour over the years).  That said, I think it's pretty funny.

Okay, so since the iPhone X announcement, I've seen a lot of people post about "what's your ideal phone", "what features would you have to have in yours", etc... all in response to a phone announcement that didn't quite 'measure up' to expectation.

Brazzers, yup, those folks, have a good idea what someone might want in their next phone.  Let them introduce 'the Peach'.  (see further on for their press release)

I dunno about you, but I had a good laugh.  Dick print, a splash resistant screen, a stylus that doubles for ... other things, a ZZ Assistant to help you and ... who wouldn't want holoporn?!?

I mean, there's definitely a segment of the population that uses their phones for this kind of stuff... right?  There's even a dedicated VR headset out there.

It's what 'creams are made of'... bahahahahaaha.  For more info and images (it's been really hard to post about this from the office) visit here:  http://www.trendzz.com/zzpeach/

“It’s what creams are made of” – Safe-For-Work Parody Commercial Highlights Concept Features of Adult-Content Phone

NEW YORK, NY -- October 3, 2017 -- Brazzers, the world’s leading premium adult entertainment brand, today unveiled the “Brazzers Peach” – a porn-optimized dream phone. The Brazzers Peach is the company’s take on what a smartphone might feature if fully optimized for adult content viewing, self-pleasure and more. With features like an automated porn assistant, hologram viewing, wearable technology and more, the parody commercial for the Brazzers Peach shows just how much technology could really benefit users in the most personal of ways.

“As the world’s leading premium porn brand, Brazzers’ most enthusiastic demographic segments are the millennial generation and antsy Gen-Xers, whom both rely heavily on their smartphones,” shared Gary Ticher, Marketing Director of Brazzers. “The Brazzers Peach is what our team thinks a porn-optimized smartphone would be, if it actually existed. By incorporating features that are both highly technologically advanced and that would enhance users’ porn-watching experience, the Brazzers Peach would, in our minds, be the phone that dreams are made of.’’
Who isn’t tired of watching porn on a regular smartphone or suffering through small screens or annoying call and messaging interruptions? If technology can give us smarter and more efficient devices, then Brazzers thinks it’s time to imagine what technology could do for our porn-viewing experiences.
The features of Brazzers’ porn-optimized fantasy smartphone, Brazzers Peach would include:
  • Dickprint
    • Imagine protecting your private porn library with personalized “Dickprint” technology.
  • Wearable Stylus for Him
    • Intensify your porn-watching experience with the Brazzers Peach Stylus Pleasure Ring for him. The stylus would be used as a vibrating cock ring for maximum pleasure, while also being used a penial wearable that would measure blood flow.
  • Vibrating Stylus for Her
    • Did you think Brazzers forgot about the ladies? Open the floodgates with Peach’s Stylus Ring for her. Its vibrating technology would be used to help finish ‘me time’, in double time.
  • Masturbation Mode
    • Indulge in uninterrupted porn-viewing sessions with the Masturbation Mode option that would block incoming notifications from killing your vibe.
  • Splash-resistant Screen
    • The motto isn’t “It’s what creams are made of” for nothing! Thanks to its splash-resistant screen, the Brazzers Peach would be able to handle any and all fluids that might come its way.
  • XXXPS Alert
    • For a totally uninterrupted self-pleasure session, the XXXPS Alert would notify you when the coast is clear and you’re free to indulge!
  • ZZ – Automated Porn Assistant
    • Imagine being able to keep your favorite scenes on file with ‘ZZ’, your personal voice-activated porn assistant. By speaking to ZZ, you would resume where you left off or be able to find the perfect Brazzers clip without any extra effort!
  • Holo-porn Mobile Projector
    • Immerse yourself in your favorite Brazzers scenes with the Brazzers Peach state-of-the-art Holo-Porn Mobile Projector. This feature would project a hologram of the scene through the phone’s screen and could be zoomed in or out, or rotated so you can watch your favorite Brazzers scene from any angle.
For your SFW (safe-for-work) viewing pleasure, check out Brazzers’ parody commercial for the Brazzers Peach and see how technology would change the future of porn for everyday consumers. The commercial can be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6cmzciwWC4